Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
