This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
