Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
