Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
