I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this just has baby written all over it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
