yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
