Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
