I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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