i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
