these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
a search helicopter?!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
