I'm so fucking centered right now
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
