The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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