You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
