i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
