This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
