apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
