It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
