So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
