oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think I died a long time ago.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
