i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
