i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
