I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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