I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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