I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize