The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
