Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
PANTIES FOUND
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
