i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
