I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
