I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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