Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
