I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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