omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
