Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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