Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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