sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
