I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
