Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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