he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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