Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
