I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
