a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
