When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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