My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
