Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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