just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
