i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
