Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
