I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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