The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I can text with my tongue
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
