well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
