yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
