You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
