im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
