I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
